two weeks and favorite things.

two weeks ago today...

woah.
what a wonderful whirlwind it has been.
i can't believe our little boy is two weeks old.

so far motherhood is a little different than i expected... although i don't really know what i expected.
after being super laid back easy going pregnant lady, i have somehow morphed into super nervous highly anxious second guessing myself constantly new mommy.

i keep having to remind myself (over and over and over) to stop and take a breath and relax and enjoy little finn being little.
i have to tell myself to stop multi-tasking.
i don't have to simultaneously breastfeed, cook dinner, and do laundry.  (yes i did that).

i want to enjoy the little moments more, i want to cuddle him longer, i want to not freak out when he fusses, and i want to care less about cleaning my floors and organizing baby clothes. 
i want to cut myself a break on putting him on a schedule and being on a routine, and let finn just be a baby for a little while.

i hope that the more i get used to being a mommy, the more i trust my gut, and can breathe deeper, and just relax.  things don't have to be perfect.  they don't have to be textbook.  and i hope i can stop being so suddenly type a- so finn can grow up to be a relaxed and laid back little boy.

i don't know why i'm so nervous!
it's hard when your baby can't say "mom, i prefer sleeping on my side thank you" or "mom, i'm screaming because i just crapped myself, not because i want you to shove your boob in my mouth" or "mom, i'm baking over here, can you please take this hat off of me".
but i'm figuring it out.  luckily finn is a pretty well behaved little fella.

i wanted to share a few favorite things that billy and i have discovered as new parents.
some of the things we like the best for baby finn really surprised both of us.

so here's my first two weeks "favorite things" list:

1) breastfeeding.
it kind of skeeved me out a little bit before.  it definitely skeeved billy out.  but i can now tell you, it's not skeevy, it feels totally normal, it's totally easy, and i just buttoned my size 24 jeans today thankyouverymuch.  weightloss bonus aside, it's seriously fantastic.  many times billy and i have looked at each other and said "seriously, can you imagine having to go mix a bottle of formula in the kitchen right now!?" no. no we cannot.  it's healthy, it's portable, it's easy.  and if my boobs stay this big and my waist keeps shrinking i'll probably breastfeed finn until sixth grade.
ew gross. totally kidding.

2) cloth diapers.
everyone laughed at me when i said i was going to use cloth diapers.  but i'm using them and i love them.  babies poop a lot.  serious amounts of money would be being spent right now on disposables.  finn loves his cloth diapers, they are soft on his butt, and it's no biggie to throw in a load of diapers every other day or so.  we currently use bumgenius newborn size diapers.  i have 16 and it's plenty.  we also use cloth wipes, which i recommend even higher than cloth diapers.  they do an amazing job (much better than disposable wipes) and you can also use them for baby sponge baths.  which brings me to my next favorite thing...

3) a wipes warmer.
if you get a wipes warmer at your baby shower, all the older moms will laugh at you.  it's true.  you will probably think it is superfluous and silly.  it is not.  it is amazing.  it's billy's favorite thing.  we have both wiped a lot of bottoms, and we can tell you that there's nothing little nephews like less than a cold wipe on their willie.  finn is much more tolerant of diaper changes with nice warm wipes.  we use cloth wipes and a cloth wipe warmer.  i make my own "wipe solution" which is 2 cups water, 2 tablespoons natural baby wash, and 2 tablespoons olive oil.  this is like a magic mixture.  it keeps his bottom soft and does a good job at cleaning up sticky stuff.  it also smells delish and is good for his little spongebaths, crusty spitup face, etc.

4) my camelback water bottle.
in the hospital they told me i needed to drink 16oz of water per feeding.  i thought this would be hard to do.  but, as i am constantly thirsty, it is not hard to do.  and i carry my water bottle everywhere.

5) aden & anais muslin swaddling blankets.
finn is never without one.  they are SO soft and so good for swaddling.  i kind of want one.  muslin snuggie?

6) sleepers.
people will tell you that those infant gown thingies are the best.  i didn't like them because then you have to mess with baby socks (they always fall off) and i felt like the gowns always bunched up around his waist and his little legs were always hanging out.  the one piece sleepers are much easier.  and the zipper ones are SUPER easy.  i highly recommend those for jammies.  matching snaps is easier said than done during midnight diaper changes.

7) balboa baby sling.
i had a moby wrap and a sleepy wrap, and i am completely retarded and couldn't get the hang of them.  i don't know if i'm too short or what, but trying to figure out all that fabric... not for me.  finn also hated them.  i just ordered a balboa baby sling off amazon and finn loves it and i can actually put it on.  win.

8) a nursing cover.
i didn't think i needed one, but let me just say that blankets fall off.  free boobin' ain't cool.

9) washable nursing pads.
sometimes your baby's diaper isn't the only thing that springs a leak.

10) dancing with the stars.
what? you didn't know it was my guilty pleasure? finn and i and a husband who wishes to remain anonymous are totally watching the new season.  go karate kid!

a greater love.

a few days ago while billy was rocking finn he said
"oh my goodness, how did i ever give my parents a hard time about anything?"

it's true what they say about finally understanding how much your parents love you when you have a baby of your own.
this understanding is normally followed by feelings of extreme guilt.
it's like an ahha moment "ohhh i get it! wait, i'm an a-hole."

it's weird to only have known this little person for a week and be willing to do anything to make him happy.  sometimes when i'm singing to him or feeding him or rocking him i can't hold back the tears as i remember all the years of playing house when i was little and rocking my baby dolls.  and i realize it's real now, i'm a real mom, and he's my real baby, and this dream i had my whole life actually came true.

i know it was always my mom's dream to become a grandma as well.  she's been so excited to meet little finn and has waited so anxiously for his arrival.  she is already the best grandma ever.

about three hours after i got home from the hospital on sunday (right after this picture was taken), my mom went to cvs to pick up my prescriptions for me, and was in a terrible car accident.  her car was totaled and she is lucky to be alive.  but the accident left her pretty beaten up, including a broken leg.

the first week with finn has been such a wonderful one, but it has been bittersweet because of what happened to his sweet grandma.  the first few days we spent at home, the days that she had been looking forward to spending with us for 10 months, she ended up spending in the hospital.  the time she planned on staying with us the first few weeks she has to spend at home in maryland.  and the plan we had for her to watch finn on fridays when i go back to work in april is no longer, since she can't drive.

we don't understand why something like this had to happen, but we're trying to see the positive.  billy and i have been forced to figure stuff out on our own with finn, and it's made us more confident and self- sufficient, although my house is dirtier than i've ever seen it. *sigh*
mostly i just miss my mom and wish she could be here for all of his little smiles and special first few week moments.

 

a week ago this very minute i was in labor and delivery pushing and thinking that my baby would be here any minute.  then everything went crazy and an hour later finn was born via emergency c section.  it was not our plan, but the outcome was still a beautiful baby boy.  it wasn't our plan for this car accident to happen with mom, but i am so glad that finn still has a wonderful grandma that loves him, and plenty of time to make future memories with her.

so, this st. patrick's day, this one week birthday for my little boy, i fully expected to be downing a guinness and frolicking around.  (side note- frolicking is not eastily done after a c-section).  

but instead, i find myself feeling a lot more sentimental.  (hormones happen)

i'm reminded of our nurse at the hospital: a wonderful, fresh-off-the-boat irish lady named rosemary.

she took excellent care of us, told us how much she hated when people called st. patrick "st. patty", and reminded of us of the real reason we celebrate today.

i guess since i've become a mommy, today makes me think of more than shamrocks and green beer.

it makes me think of how much i love my baby, how much i love my mommy, and how truly thankful i am to know a God that loves us all.

but yeah, i think i still might have a guinness later :)

my labor and delivery story part two

they pushed me down the hall right away into the operating room.  about a zillion doctors introduced themselves to me.  everyone was doing a million things at once.  shoving a cap on my head, putting a sheet over me, telling me a million things i don't remember.

the anesthesiologist gave me more epidural so i wouldn't feel anything, and it made me super out of it.  i don't know if she gave me something else too, but i felt like my head was full of cotton and i literally couldn't keep my eyes open.  it was an awful feeling, being so out of it.  i couldn't really talk because i felt like my lips and tongue weighed a million pounds.

and then the next thing i knew billy was next to me dressed in a weird paper suit, and they were cutting me open.

i felt all of this pushing and tugging and gurgling, it was gross.
i remember someone saying "this is it" or "here he is" or something like that, but then there was nothing.
there was no cry.
i remember billy saying "he's here" and kind of anxiously looking over at a baby table that i couldn't see, and then a bunch of people said "he's big!"
all of this time passed and i never heard anything.
i didn't really feel anything but tiredness.

the surgeon started talking about my ovaries and my bird tattoo and kind of chit chatting but i still never heard my baby.  i didn't know what was going on.
i think billy was scared to go look at him.  he stayed right by my side.
then after an eternity, finn let out two really short, weak wails.  and that was it.

billy went over to see him after that, and he said he was really alert and looking around really peacefully.

billy and finn were immediately smitten with one another.  billy held him in his arms right next to my head while they finished my surgery.  they just stared at each other in awe.  it was really cute.  i was still so out of it, but i remember being so glad that billy could hold him when i couldn't.

the midwife said it was a really good thing we had the c-section because his head was really big and there's no way i would have gotten it out without some major trauma.  his head was all squished and bruised and lumpy from trying to contort through my pelvis during the 30 minutes of pushing that i did do.  he definitely had a rough go of it.

in the recovery room things got a lot better.  the medicine wore off a little bit and i felt a lot less loopy.  billy came in to see me with finn and he was doing SO much better.  he was really alert and looking around, and i was able to feed him right away.

 

 

after some special bonding time together, billy took finn to the newborn nursery for his bath and so he could get warmed up and observed a little bit.  he did really well in there and everyone tells me that all the baby visitors were commenting on how handsome he was.  

once i could move my legs and felt okay, they took me up to my room on the maternity ward and billy brought finn in to see me.  our parents and aunt mandy came in and all took turns holding him for the first time.  i loved seeing everyone get to finally meet and bond with my little guy.

but getting to finally meet him myself was my favorite part.

it was worth the whole ten months of pregnancy,

the whole crazy, unplanned and unnatural labor.

and i would do it all again in a second.

he's perfect.

my labor and delivery story part one

phew!
the past few days have been like a complete whirlwind.
billy and i are like delusional robots of sleep deprived happiness.

tomorrow we get to go home from the hospital, so i thought i'd take a few minutes to recount the tale of mister finn's arrival while it's still somewhat fresh in my mind.

here we go!
wednesday night, at 11 days late, we arrived at the hospital for stage one of a medical induction.
it was such a surreal feeling... after having walked around in such suspense for the past month, wondering when everything was going to go down, and then after all of that just calmly packing our bags and heading into the hospital to have a baby!  it was so weird.  but we were in great spirits!

hospital bracelet on! there was no turning back!

billy was less excited about his personal cot after he actually tried laying on it.

i was a little disappointed at first that i wasn't going to be able to have the beautiful natural delivery i had dreamed of in the birthing center across the street from the hospital.  but i figured, everything happens for a reason, and maybe it will be better for us to be in a hospital setting.  boy was i right on that one!

so wednesday night we get checked in and set up at the hospital, they check me (still 2cm) and insert this little hormone called cervadil that is supposed to soften my cervix and prep me for a pitocin induction on thursday morning.
they put the cervadil in at about 8 o'clock, and they normally leave it in for 12 hours.
they gave me a sleeping pill so i could get a good nights rest to prepare for tomorrow.
worst decision ever.
i never slept.
about two hours later i started having contractions.
real contractions.
the sleeping pill made me really cranky and out of it but i couldn't actually sleep because of the labor.  it was awful.

after having walked around for months with regular and intense braxton hicks contractions and being declared the queen of prodromal (false) labor, i was SO ready to find out what real contractions felt like.
i will tell you.
they feel bad.
very bad.

i was totally expecting for my labor to feel empowering, for it to be a pain that was manageable, and i was so ready to try all these different positions and relaxation techniques...
i will be the first one to wholeheartedly admit to you (billy will be the second) natural labor?
not for me.
not.
for.
me.
everything i like to say about "our bodies are made for this" and "listen to your instincts", yes, they all may be true.  but my body's instincts were saying "this is for the birds!"
i was totally in agony.  i have huge respect for natural laborers after this experience, let me tell you.  oof.

so anyway, the pain from the contractions, to me, was totally blinding.  it caught me off guard completely.  i felt like someone was lighting my back on fire every time one hit.

early in the morning they took out the cervadil since it had put me into full fledged labor, and they made me get in the shower.  i was already begging for an epidural but they wouldn't give me one because i was only 3cm.  the shower felt really good, but the contractions were just getting worse.

the midwife came in and checked me after the shower and i was at 4cm and i felt like i was dying.  i actually don't really remember what i was doing but billy just says i was awful.  the one thing that did help though was kneeling on the bed and holding the back of it, and billy and the midwife would push down on my back every time a contraction hit.  it still felt like my whole body was going up in flames, but the counter-pressure made them much more manageable.

i was offered, and accepted, a drug called stadol (which was given in the form of a shot) to "take the edge off" of my contractions.  this was a bad decision for me.  the mixture of the sleeping pill with the stadol made me completely crazy.  i felt like i was hallucinating.  it actually did allow me to rest for about an hour, but it didn't take the edge off of my pain.  i was just "resting" because i felt paralyzed.  i still felt the contractions miserably, but i was so out of it that i couldn't react to them.  i felt like i was locked in a box of agony and my head was all fuzzy and stuffed full of cotton balls.  billy said i was saying crazy things.

after the first hour of the stadol wore off i was back on my own dealing with the contractions.  i was begging for an epidural the whole time. (i know, i turned out to be such a wimp!)  finally, after another hour of labor and at 5cm, i got one.

all was right with the world.

i LOVED the epidural.
meg + epidural = love. forever. and ever. i can't tell you how much i loved it.

it was totally unlike anything i had imagined it would be.
i could still move my legs and feet, they just felt heavy.  i could still move and feel things, just not the contractions.  it was amazing!  i didn't have to have a catheter in, my brain felt normal again, and my body totally relaxed.
i was SO HAPPY.
and within an hour, i was 8cm dilated!

hooray!
my body reacted really well to the epidural.  it made my labor progress instead of stalling it out like i had feared, and i felt so much more normal.

my water broke on it's own about 20 minutes after i got the epidural.
there was meconium in it, which means that finn had pooped.
this is typical for an overdue baby, but it means that they kind of have to keep a watchful eye.
the nurse told me that someone from the NICU (neonatal intensive care) would be in the room when i delivered to take a look at him and make sure he hadn't inhaled any yuck during the delivery.  she also put an internal monitor on the baby's head so that they could keep a better watch on his heart rate and movements.

throughout my contractions, finn's heart rate was kinda weird.  he wasn't moving around a whole lot... he was kind of sluggish.  i think he was tired and stressed out from being in there so long too!  the nurses kept making me switch positions and eat popsicles to try and wake him up a bit.

at 11a.m., a few hours after my epidural, the midwife checked me and said i was 10cm and we could start pushing!  we were so excited.
the nurse and midwife both said that i was an excellent pusher, so we were feeling really enthused!
i pushed for about 30 minutes.
pushing was different than i expected.  you kind of think that pushing is all fast-moving, but it's not.  you have to wait for a contraction to push, and they come every 2 or 3 minutes, and then really you're only pushing for a minute.  so it's like push, wait for 3 minutes, push, wait for 3 minutes.  different than i expected.
at any rate, the midwife said she could see the baby's head when i pushed, that he had hair, and were just happily moving along.

then the next thing i knew, the midwife and the nurse were kind of anxiously looking at the baby's monitor.  i think the midwife said something like "do you want to get the doctor in here to look at this?" and then, at almost the same moment, the doctor comes busting through the door because she had already seen the monitor from her office.
the doctor said the baby's heart rate was really really high.  normally it's supposed to be around 130 bpm, and finn's was in the 190's.
the doctor checked my cervix and said that i still had some cervix left at the bottom that the midwife hadn't felt and i wasn't a full 10 centimeters.
then she told me that since finn was looking so weak during my contractions, and now was looking so crazy during me pushing, that this was a bad sign that he was soon going to kind of completely bail out on us and his heart rate totally crash.
she said that if she thought we could get him out quick in another 30 minutes or so of pushing with the help of a vacuum, that she would do it, but we were looking at more like an hour or more of pushing and we didn't have that much time.
then she said, "you need a c-section."
this all happened over a time period of about 45 seconds.

i felt like i was dreaming.  we were so close! i was pushing him OUT for pete's sake, and now i have to have a c-section? what the heck was going on?
i looked at billy.  he was totally white.  he almost passed out.  he totally freaked basically.
it was the last thing that we wanted.
but of course, we didn't want to put finn at risk.
we signed a paper, and then it was like someone hit fast forward and everything was a blur.

pu pu platter.

i named this blog the pu pu platter because it's covering a variety of subjects.
and because i mention castor oil again.
and i think i'm clever.

let's dive in, shall we?

first up-
i realized that i should probably post an update because a few posts ago i said that my midwife told me i would be induced on wednesday if baby didn't come on his own by then.
so a lot of you think i'm being induced tomorrow.
i am not.

here's the scoop for all of you who care about what's happening with my cervix:
not a whole lot.

i had an ultrasound monday to measure fluid levels (they were fine) and a non stress test to measure fetal movements (there were lots) and everyone told me that baby seemed quite comfortable in there!
i'm so glad, baby! *rolls eyes*

obviously, i have hoped for the most natural birth possible throughout this pregnancy, and we have done all we can to avoid a medical induction.

yes, including a second try at castor oil.

i will tell you, if you drink enough of the stuff, bad things happen.
many hours of many bad things.
unfortunately, those bad things did not result in me going into labor.
but it did result in me being able to whistle yankee doodle through my... nevermind.
so that's something.

anywho, since baby seems to be doing okay, i am not being induced tomorrow.
but i am being induced soon.  they won't let me go much longer if he doesn't come on his own.

so that's it for my personal preggo update.

next up-
i wanted to add a couple of additions to my previous blog "on growing your own human" for anyone who is preggo and cares!

things that are useful when you're really pregnant:

1) a big 'ole exercise ball
mine has been pretty invaluable during the last trimester.
sitting on it really helps relax your back and hips.
when the baby's legs and butt start getting stuck all up in your ribcage, it can be hard to sit comfortably on a regular chair or couch and watch tv, because everything gets all smooshed.
sitting on the big exercise ball really helped open up some space for me and it made watching tv and hanging out a lot more comfortable. 

2) netflix
or really, any funny movies.
for me specifically, the first four seasons of 30 rock.
yes, i've watched all four in the past two weeks. don't judge me.
they provided much needed giggles when i was feeling really sorry for myself.
thanks liz lemon!

3) a mani/pedi
i got one today. i splurged and spent the extra $10 for the "european massage pedicure"
umm, so worth it.  i almost cried and kissed the girl.

4) not the movie "hall pass"
we saw it last weekend.
you get a lot of naked peen for your money and not a lot of laughs.
just a heads up.

last up-
does anyone else NOT care about charlie sheen?

does anyone else not even really know who charlie sheen is?

billy says it's because i never saw "wallstreet", but seriously all i know about this guy is he was married to denise richards one time.  and i don't even really know who denise richards is, i just know she used to be hot.

people keep posting weird facebook statuses about winning and charlie sheen and i have no idea what anyone's talking about, and more importantly, WHY?

can everyone get obsessed with something else stupid already?

because i'm all for getting distracted with fun celebrity stuff, but charlie sheen? really? barf.

okay that's it for the pu pu platter.
and yes, we promise we will still tell you when we finally have a baby. :)

overdue.

first of all, i'd like to just say thanks to everyone who's offered me advice, encouragement, and kind words in the past week.  

it's been a long one, but it helps to know that we have a lot of people who love us!

here's a little update after my 41 week appointment:

warning: some may consider this graphically informative.

the 41 week appointment started with me raving about how we have tried EVERYTHING and how i was bored and stressed out and tired of being pregnant.  

billy called it a little bit of a "meltdown".

jamesina, the midwife, said "go to the movies, get your mind off of it, hang out."

i glared at her a lot.

i think it's very true that you can kind of overthink and overanticipate and it totally mentally drains you and then your body is kind of like "forget it lady i'm not doing anything for you".

it's just hard to actually not think about it when you're SO uncomfortably pregnant and your entire being is constantly screaming HOW MUCH LONGER.

so jamesina today said "i'm going to strip your membranes again, and i'm going to be aggressive."

of course i said, "bring it on lady."

so, to keep it brief, i will say these things:

- i was still just 1/2 to 1 cm dilated (same as last week) when i went in

- by the time the "aggressive" membrane sweep was done, jamesina had manually stretched me to 

2 and 1/2 cm

if you're wondering what it feels like to have a midwife pry your cervix open two centimeters, i'll tell you.

it feels like you're getting your teeth cleaned through your butt.

this is what billy looked like after she was done:

 

i think it made him a little queasy.

next up, our good friend castor oil is back!  

i am 80% effaced, and now that jamesina has "ripened" my cervix, she said it's time to try castor oil again.  she said normally it doesn't work if you're not very dilated to begin with.

i also told her i drank 3 tablespoons of it. (1 1/2 ounces)

she laughed at me.

"six ounces," she says, "plan to be in the bathroom all day tomorrow."

good grief.

i tried to convince everyone to induce me on tuesday if nothing happened before then, but billy and jamesina talked me out of it.  and i'm glad they did.  

if nothing happens this weekend i have to go for an ultrasound on monday to measure amniotic fluid levels, and then i have to go for a non stress test.  we'll re-evaluate scheduling a hospital induction after those test results come back.

so after the appointment we went for milkshakes at ruby's diner and then we came home and went for a walk.

billy has been really amazing at keeping me sane this week.  actually, most weeks.

it was a little windy, but i figured you guys would want a belly shot.

and that's all there is to report for now!  i'm supposed to get a good night's rest and then try the castor oil again in the morning.  it should make for a very lovely day.  :)

castor oil: oh no she di-int

i did.


last night, after careful deliberation, billy and i decided we should just go ahead and have this baby.

i made eggplant parmesan for dinner.

please enjoy the late 60's yellowness of our kitchen breakfast table.  it came standard, folks. 

i made the baby a banana pudding birthday cake for dessert.

i took a picture, but i can't show you because his initial is on the top of it :)

banana puddings are big deals around here.
you really only get one if it's thanksgiving or your birthday.
i was hoping baby would get the hint.

then, we did the unthinkable.

the controversial.

the castor oil.

the midwives use castor oil regularly if (and only if) you're overdue, and i knew they were going to send me home with it on friday at my appointment, so we figured, heck, let's give it a go now.

the midwives like to say that castor oil is never wasted.  even if it doesn't send you into labor, it still does good things to your cervix to help get you ready.  so we figured, what have we got to lose?

well, apparently, there's a lot you've got to lose.

like the entire contents of your intestine.

we read some scary stuff online.

basically, if you take castor oil, you're expecting to poop yourself into labor.

there are lots of horror stories about people having the hershey squirts for two days and projectile vomiting everywhere.

so, needless to say, we were expecting some action.  major potty action, if nothing else.

here's what my experience with castor oil was like:

first-
everything you read online talks about how GROSS it is.
how people could barely get it down.
so i decided to have billy fix it up for me without me looking at it so i wouldn't lose my nerve.
he shook three tablespoons of castor oil up with ice and grapefruit juice and orange juice.
i wanted it to be really cold and frothy.  everything's better that way.
he said that it was like baby oil.  really thick.
i chugged the whole glass with my nose plugged and it was...
totally fine.
kinda good.
didn't bother me one bit.
but when i was done i could see all this oil on the sides of the glass and my teeth were all greasy so that was kind of gross.
but other than that, no problems getting it down.

next-
we waited.
i figured, i'm going to poop out my soul here pretty soon so i should get some rest.
billy read the baby a story:

and then we went to sleep.

actually, billy went to sleep.

i should backtrack a little bit.
i started having contractions last night around 7... while i was getting dinner ready.
i took the castor oil at 8.
by the time 10 o'clock rolled around, they were pretty substantial.

now, everything you read about castor oil says diarrhea first, then contractions.
so i don't know if my contractions were related to the castor oil at all.
because, despite the fact that billy stared at my butt all night like it was suddenly going to explode...

i didn't make a single trip to the bathroom.

not even a tummy ache.
not even a poot.
not even a questionable burp.

i kept contracting until about 4:30 in the morning.
i couldn't sleep, they hurt, but it wasn't anything i couldn't handle.
they were about a minute long and three minutes apart.
i figured, they would either get unbearable, or they would go away.

at 4:30 i fell asleep.
they went away.

and that was it.
that's the end of the castor oil story.
i never even went to the bathroom!!!

which is totally lame, because castor oil is really supposed to be like breaking out the big guns in terms of natural labor induction.

all you people with your
try sex!
try spicy food!
try walking!
try bumpy car rides!
try taking a bath!
try bla bla bla bla bla

yeah we did all that.

castor oil is supposed to be the cherry on top.
like, we're not messing around kids.
we did CASTOR OIL.
BACK UP!

so the conclusion is that either:
a) i have a steel superhero castor oil resistant stomach
b) the baby thinks castor oil is stupid and is quite comfortable where he is thankyouverymuch
c) all of the above

i would LOVE to have this baby without being pumped full of pitocin next week at a mandatory hospital induction, so keep your fingers crossed that this kid comes on his own, despite the 3019325709375 failed attempts thus far.

and in the meantime, try not to be too disappointed that this story wasn't grosser and didn't involve me pooping my pants or puking all over billy.  what a let down. ;)

quickie.

here's a quick update for everyone!

i have been completely incapacitated by the book "the help" for the past two days, which i finished last night...
it's as good as everyone says it is. 

anyways, yesterday i had my 40 week appointment.
i'm one centimeter dilated and 50% effaced.
this gives us absolutely no clues for when i will go into labor.

the midwife did strip my membranes.
you'll have to look this up if you don't know what it means, because i texted it to lisa yesterday and she almost barfed.
it's supposed to encourage the onset of labor by releasing prostoglandins.
the midwife said it would give me some pretty nasty contractions.

i slept through the night last night with a lot less contractions than normal.
hmph.

so here's the scoop a loop:

i have to go for another ultrasound next week because the midwife still thinks my baby feels small.
i think she's crazy (hey remember when she made me go last month and they said my baby was 6-12? yeah me too.) but at least it's something to break up the week next week.

then i have another appointment on friday, a week from today.  i have to have a non stress test and then they will try to strip my membranes again and then probably send me home with castor oil. yippeeeee.

what's a non stress test you might ask?
i though it was going to be something really fun where i had to like run from one corner of the room to the other and jump over obstacles, or answer really hard questions without getting stressed out.
(quick! your in laws are coming over for dinner, you only have peanut butter, cheerios, and parmesan cheese in your kitchen and thirty minutes, what do you make? GO!)
sadly it's much less exciting.
you just have to sit in a chair and they monitor your baby's heartbeat and movements for thirty minutes.
then they say yayyy the baby looks good and you go home.
maybe i'll bring a crossword puzzle to make it more stressful this time.
or maybe i'll make billy do challenges while i'm in the chair.
(quick! name all of the items in that drawer!).... (if you know what's in drawers at midwive's offices you know this would be followed by billy looking confused, sad, and then puking everywhere.)

so if friday march 4th comes and goes i have to go back on tuesday march 8th, for another non stress test and i think they make me go for another ultrasound to measure fluid pockets or something, i have no idea why. but it did make me think of hot pockets, which are simultaneously gross and delicious. then,

d day is wednesday march 9th.  hospital induction if junior here doesn't show up sooner.

this is encouraging because:
1) i'm not going to stay pregnant forever.
2) i will be at least one week post delivery on st. patrick's day and that means i'll be well enough to have a big ole honkin' st. patty's day guinness with billy. at a pub. wearing green. i can't wait.

it's the little things.
i'm definitely dressing the baby as a leprechaun and hiding him in a pot of gold in the house somewhere.
come over if you want a treasure hunt.
whoever finds him first gets to babysit.

other updates:
-the dressing room is kinda on hold because i can't justify buying anything for it right now when i'm not working for the next month.  but don't worry, i'll finish it soon and it will be rad.
-they should have given that little amoxicillin bottle a superhero cape.  i feel so much better.
-this morning i dreamt i had a pet squirrel that wore a red plaid jacket and sat on my shoulder. 
-i'm getting bored.

valentine's day goodies and a sick update.

billy asked me what kind of plant i wanted for valentine's day this year and i said:
"one i can't easily kill." obvs.

my thumb isn't always so green.  i try.

and of course, he came home with an orchid.

this was somewhat flattering because he must think i can keep it alive.

although i've killed a couple of orchids in my day.

but this one's real purty.

  

and i've had it for a week and i haven't killed it yet! it's actually blooming more!

billy named her fawn.  i think it's a good name for an orchid.  

does anyone have any good orchid survival tips out there?  

the instructions say three ice cubes once a week.  i've just been giving it room temperature water (about three ice cubes worth... what's that like 4 oz or so?) because watering something with ice cubes seems a little...chilly.  i mean they're rainforest plants after all, right? ice cubes? is this just a tool to keep people from overwatering?  i think so.  *crosses fingers*  orchid advice welcome.

i have to show off another valentine's day treat i got from lisa, my hero and amazing business partner, and fellow lover of all bird related chotchkies:

 

i know.

it's the cutest soap dispenser you've ever seen. IN YOUR LIFE.

billy named him pudge.

we like to name inanimate objects around here.

washing your hands has never been more adorable.

speaking of adorable, i am currently not.adorable.at.all.

i had a sinus infection like two weeks ago that i thought was going away last week and then saturday night i became totally ill again but with a fever this time and body aches and all of those gross flu like symptoms.

i just talked to one of the miwives this morning, and i'm going to go on some antibiotics in case it's just a really bad case of sinusitis or bronchitis and not the flu. 

i hate antibiotics.  i can't remember the last time i took them. blah.

our brother in law who's a doctor said that the symptoms of sinusitis are exactly the same as the flu, you just have a higher fever with the flu.  and mine hasn't been super high.  so i'm hoping the antibiotics help me feel better, because i haven't been out of bed in three days, and this is the first time i've been able to look at the computer screen for longer than 30 seconds without feeling like my eyes were going to explode. wheeeee.

so because i know you're curious, this is what you look like when you're 40 weeks pregnant and have been sick in bed for three days:

zexy.

be glad it's just an iphone shot and nothing more detailed.

isn't it funny how my body is kinda shaped exactly like the toilet in the background?

swell.

good thing we have fawn and pudge around here to keep things cute.

nope.

lots of people ask me questions lately like:

"how much longer do you have?"

"why haven't you had that baby yet?"

"what's taking so long?"

well, since i don't have a direct line of communication with my uterus...
("ring ring... hello, fetus?
yes it's your mother calling.
when are you coming over?
but you said...
but i thought...
well fine.
no it's fine.
i'll keep dinner warm.
sure honey.
well you're going to have to talk to your grandmother yourself.
okay bye.")
... i decided i would give you guys a little glimpse into what one of my visits with the midwife looks like.
just so you know that i'm not withholding information from you.

imagine... it's yesterday.
you have just driven to bryn mawr and are tottering up the stairs in your inappropriately trendy high heeled boots.
you check in.
you take off the inappropriately trendy high heeled boots.
you weigh yourself.
pat yourself on the back.
replace said boots.
totter back to the exam room.

midwife: "hi meg, how are you feeling?"
 
meg: "i feel good. except i have a sinus infection.  getting a sinus infection in the last week of your pregnancy is like getting kicked in the ankle in the last mile of a marathon.  don't you think?"

midwife: ::sympathetic smile::

meg: ::sniff::

midwife: so it's good your growth scan came back well last month.  any questions?

meg: except they told me the baby weighed 6lbs 12 ounces. last month.  i think he's going to be enormous and destroy me.  do you think he's going to be enormous?

midwife: your baby is going to be the size your baby is.

meg: hmm?

midwife:  the baby is the size it wants to be.

meg: so that's good then... ::looks around awkwardly::

midwife: any other concerns?

meg: yes, i'm concerned about being induced.  do you think i'll go into labor on my own?

midwife: your baby will come when your baby is ready.

meg: i hate you.

(just kidding i didn't say that.)

meg: anything i should be doing to ensure a timely delivery?

midwife: just stay active and have lots of sex.

** pause scene **

recall that i'm nine months pregnant.
recall the previously mentioned sinus infection.
you know those two year olds whose faces are all crusty because they don't know how to blow yet?
that's how i wake up in the morning.
plus covered in a mound of tissues.
plus breathing like there's a truck sitting on me.
plus drooling on myself because i can't breathe through my nose.
let's all just take a moment and feel sympathetic towards billy.

** end pause **

meg: okay.  ::thinks... poor billy::

midwife: let's listen to the heartbeat.  ::glump glump glump:: it sounds good.

meg: yayyyy.... (blahhhhh)

midwife: okay see you later!

you toddle down the stairs and get in your car.
that's what happens.
at 39 week appointments with your midwife.
i didn't leave anything out.
except for the part when my belly turns into a crystal ball and the midwife rubs my tummy and i click my trendy high heeled boots together and we can suddenly see INTO MY UTERUS in a sea of purple and blue mist and a magic number appears and the midwife and i both go "ahhhh, yes, yessss!" and then we laugh wickedly together and pinky swear we won't tell another soul.

i promise when the baby is born, i'll tell you.
all of you.
but if you just are reaaaallly wanting another update in the meantime, you can refer to this website:
http://www.haveyouhadthatbabyyet.com

on growing your own human...

as i inch closer and closer to the end of my pregnancy, i find that instead of being anxious for it to be over, i'm really treasuring these last moments and reflecting over how lovely it's been becoming this round.

people are always saying to me lately "i bet you're SO ready" and i think...
well yes we're ready.
but not SO ready.
i like being pregnant.  it's been pretty easy for me.
i'm certain it's much more portable and convenient than having a baby on the outside.
and i never have to feel guilty about having dessert. pass the pie please! mmhmm.

as we get closer and closer to delivery day, i also have been thinking about how much i like billy...
and how it's not going to be just the two of us for much longer...
i've been thinking, hey, i should really take advantage of this! so i do!
i think i probably have spent more time rubbing billy's feet and scratching his back than any normal pregnant lady would.
but i just keep thinking... pretty soon someone else is going to be demanding this attention from me! so i'm loving all over my sweet husband as much as i can.
he deserves it.

sometimes i lay in bed at night, and i feel like there is a 7 and a half pound baby human laying on top of all of my organs and kicking them.
and i think how gross and uncomfortable that is.
and then i realize that there actually IS a 7 and a half pound baby human laying on top of all of my organs and kicking them.
but it's kinda cute sometimes.
he's cute when he drums perfect beats.
and when he talks to his daddy with responsive punches.
and when he sends me shooting upright out of a dead sleep at 3 am with a swift heel to the rib.
wait, not so much that last one.
but seriously, it's kind of cool having your very own human inside of you.  

so i'm content with him keeping shop as long as he likes.  i don't feel rushed or anxious.  he'll get here eventually.  and i'll enjoy my last pregnant moments in the meantime.

i know that i really liked reading other mom's tips and pregnancy must haves in the beginning of my pregnancy.  so here are my novice words of first pregnancy sorta wisdom, for anyone who's interested:

stay active.
- be outside.
- walk a lot.
- go to prenatal yoga... especially in the beginning.  i think it helps set the tone for a relaxed pregnancy. 
- stretch before bed.

eat good things.
- if you have kale in your house instead of potato chips, you will make and eat kale chips.
and find that they are even more delicious.
- if you have a bag of oranges in your house instead of a bag of donuts, you will eat a bag of oranges.
and they will be delicious.
- if you buy captain crunch cereal for your husband and eat the whole box in one sitting, it's okay.
captain crunch is also delicious.
but your husband might be a little sad. (sorry billy)
- drink lots of water.  like ungodly amounts of water.  it makes everything better.  seriously.  try it.

be proactive.
- if your back hurts, go see the chiropractor.  as soon as it hurts.  not two months later when you walk with a hunch.  most insurances cover the chiropractor.  and you will be grateful.
- get acupuncture.  that chi stuff doesn't make a whole lotta sense to me, but it makes me feel good.  especially if you feel a little stressed or overwhelmed or like you might be getting a cold.  give it a shot.
- if you're feeling crazy, recognize it.  tell your husband how you feel. he will try to understand why you're scrubbing cabinet doors with bleach at midnight in your underwear.  don't wait until you're at the end of your crazy hormonal rope to talk about what's on your mind.

be your normal self.
- i have my cup of coffee every morning.  otherwise i'm NOT normal.  it's okay, really.
- try and let the weird comments roll off of you.  some people come in to the store and scream "you're huge!" and some say "is your baby growing right? you're so small!"  seriously. if this happens to you, (it probably will) remember- they're not trying to hurt your feelings.  you're just a little sensitive right now.  and your baby is growing just fine.  and you look great.  
- have a glass of wine every once in a while.  i said it!
- take a tylenol if your back hurts.  take a claritin if you can't stop sneezing.  ask your doctor first if you need to.  but i promise it's okay.  
- don't buy maternity clothes.  unless you absolutely have to and have tried everything else first.  buy a bella band.  wear leggings.  buy clothes a size up.  (bigger sizes are easier to resell at consignment shops than maternity clothes are.) steal your husbands t-shirts.  maternity clothes are needlessly expensive.  i bought one pair of maternity jeans, felt like i was wearing pajama jeans, and dropped them in the salvation army box two weeks later.  lesson learned.
- don't read those crazy online pregnancy blogs.  they make you freak out over everything.  pregnancy is different for everyone.  and it's normal.  it's not a disease or a medical "condition".  our bodies were made for it.  and i think our bodies would very much appreciate if we left it alone and let it do it's thang.

so that's it on my pregnancy tips.  i think the most important thing is to relax and trust your body.  give it some credit.  you know what you're doing more than you think you do.

and if anything changes in the next couple weeks and i have some more wisdom to impart i'll certainly update this blog post.  like, if you kill your dog, it's okay, listen to your body, you're normal. your husband won't notice that mound in the backyard and your dirty fingernails.
hahaha just kidding.  kind of.

any other seasoned preggos out there have words of wisdom to share?