a greater love.

a few days ago while billy was rocking finn he said
"oh my goodness, how did i ever give my parents a hard time about anything?"

it's true what they say about finally understanding how much your parents love you when you have a baby of your own.
this understanding is normally followed by feelings of extreme guilt.
it's like an ahha moment "ohhh i get it! wait, i'm an a-hole."

it's weird to only have known this little person for a week and be willing to do anything to make him happy.  sometimes when i'm singing to him or feeding him or rocking him i can't hold back the tears as i remember all the years of playing house when i was little and rocking my baby dolls.  and i realize it's real now, i'm a real mom, and he's my real baby, and this dream i had my whole life actually came true.

i know it was always my mom's dream to become a grandma as well.  she's been so excited to meet little finn and has waited so anxiously for his arrival.  she is already the best grandma ever.

about three hours after i got home from the hospital on sunday (right after this picture was taken), my mom went to cvs to pick up my prescriptions for me, and was in a terrible car accident.  her car was totaled and she is lucky to be alive.  but the accident left her pretty beaten up, including a broken leg.

the first week with finn has been such a wonderful one, but it has been bittersweet because of what happened to his sweet grandma.  the first few days we spent at home, the days that she had been looking forward to spending with us for 10 months, she ended up spending in the hospital.  the time she planned on staying with us the first few weeks she has to spend at home in maryland.  and the plan we had for her to watch finn on fridays when i go back to work in april is no longer, since she can't drive.

we don't understand why something like this had to happen, but we're trying to see the positive.  billy and i have been forced to figure stuff out on our own with finn, and it's made us more confident and self- sufficient, although my house is dirtier than i've ever seen it. *sigh*
mostly i just miss my mom and wish she could be here for all of his little smiles and special first few week moments.

 

a week ago this very minute i was in labor and delivery pushing and thinking that my baby would be here any minute.  then everything went crazy and an hour later finn was born via emergency c section.  it was not our plan, but the outcome was still a beautiful baby boy.  it wasn't our plan for this car accident to happen with mom, but i am so glad that finn still has a wonderful grandma that loves him, and plenty of time to make future memories with her.

so, this st. patrick's day, this one week birthday for my little boy, i fully expected to be downing a guinness and frolicking around.  (side note- frolicking is not eastily done after a c-section).  

but instead, i find myself feeling a lot more sentimental.  (hormones happen)

i'm reminded of our nurse at the hospital: a wonderful, fresh-off-the-boat irish lady named rosemary.

she took excellent care of us, told us how much she hated when people called st. patrick "st. patty", and reminded of us of the real reason we celebrate today.

i guess since i've become a mommy, today makes me think of more than shamrocks and green beer.

it makes me think of how much i love my baby, how much i love my mommy, and how truly thankful i am to know a God that loves us all.

but yeah, i think i still might have a guinness later :)