castor oil: oh no she di-int

i did.


last night, after careful deliberation, billy and i decided we should just go ahead and have this baby.

i made eggplant parmesan for dinner.

please enjoy the late 60's yellowness of our kitchen breakfast table.  it came standard, folks. 

i made the baby a banana pudding birthday cake for dessert.

i took a picture, but i can't show you because his initial is on the top of it :)

banana puddings are big deals around here.
you really only get one if it's thanksgiving or your birthday.
i was hoping baby would get the hint.

then, we did the unthinkable.

the controversial.

the castor oil.

the midwives use castor oil regularly if (and only if) you're overdue, and i knew they were going to send me home with it on friday at my appointment, so we figured, heck, let's give it a go now.

the midwives like to say that castor oil is never wasted.  even if it doesn't send you into labor, it still does good things to your cervix to help get you ready.  so we figured, what have we got to lose?

well, apparently, there's a lot you've got to lose.

like the entire contents of your intestine.

we read some scary stuff online.

basically, if you take castor oil, you're expecting to poop yourself into labor.

there are lots of horror stories about people having the hershey squirts for two days and projectile vomiting everywhere.

so, needless to say, we were expecting some action.  major potty action, if nothing else.

here's what my experience with castor oil was like:

first-
everything you read online talks about how GROSS it is.
how people could barely get it down.
so i decided to have billy fix it up for me without me looking at it so i wouldn't lose my nerve.
he shook three tablespoons of castor oil up with ice and grapefruit juice and orange juice.
i wanted it to be really cold and frothy.  everything's better that way.
he said that it was like baby oil.  really thick.
i chugged the whole glass with my nose plugged and it was...
totally fine.
kinda good.
didn't bother me one bit.
but when i was done i could see all this oil on the sides of the glass and my teeth were all greasy so that was kind of gross.
but other than that, no problems getting it down.

next-
we waited.
i figured, i'm going to poop out my soul here pretty soon so i should get some rest.
billy read the baby a story:

and then we went to sleep.

actually, billy went to sleep.

i should backtrack a little bit.
i started having contractions last night around 7... while i was getting dinner ready.
i took the castor oil at 8.
by the time 10 o'clock rolled around, they were pretty substantial.

now, everything you read about castor oil says diarrhea first, then contractions.
so i don't know if my contractions were related to the castor oil at all.
because, despite the fact that billy stared at my butt all night like it was suddenly going to explode...

i didn't make a single trip to the bathroom.

not even a tummy ache.
not even a poot.
not even a questionable burp.

i kept contracting until about 4:30 in the morning.
i couldn't sleep, they hurt, but it wasn't anything i couldn't handle.
they were about a minute long and three minutes apart.
i figured, they would either get unbearable, or they would go away.

at 4:30 i fell asleep.
they went away.

and that was it.
that's the end of the castor oil story.
i never even went to the bathroom!!!

which is totally lame, because castor oil is really supposed to be like breaking out the big guns in terms of natural labor induction.

all you people with your
try sex!
try spicy food!
try walking!
try bumpy car rides!
try taking a bath!
try bla bla bla bla bla

yeah we did all that.

castor oil is supposed to be the cherry on top.
like, we're not messing around kids.
we did CASTOR OIL.
BACK UP!

so the conclusion is that either:
a) i have a steel superhero castor oil resistant stomach
b) the baby thinks castor oil is stupid and is quite comfortable where he is thankyouverymuch
c) all of the above

i would LOVE to have this baby without being pumped full of pitocin next week at a mandatory hospital induction, so keep your fingers crossed that this kid comes on his own, despite the 3019325709375 failed attempts thus far.

and in the meantime, try not to be too disappointed that this story wasn't grosser and didn't involve me pooping my pants or puking all over billy.  what a let down. ;)