childbirth classes part one- can i change my mind?

last night was our first childbirth class. 
predictably, billy was hilarious. 
unpredictably, i was totally freaked out.

i feel like i've kind of had this laissez-faire approach to childbirth because of my little stint as a CNA in labor and delivery, and from being steph's labor coach.  i've seen the videos before, been to the classes before, taken the labor and delivery tests before, heck i've seen it up close and personal a hundred times (okay more like twenty).  i've seen it with drugs, i've seen it without drugs, and i'm fully aware of what goes on.

but last night i think it hit me for the first time that it's actually going to happen to ME. 
all i could think was "oh no! not my vagina!"

billy took the videos surprisingly better then expected. 
the first video was an upscale version of an 80's powerpoint presentation on the stages of labor.  billy's description after the fact went something like this "there were cartoons, and then people talking, and then there were cartoons, and then people talking and then WHAM! RIGHT IN YOUR FACE! I HAD NO TIME TO PREPARE! IT WAS JUST THERE!" he recovered pretty quickly after that.  i think i covered my face through some of it.
the second video was a video of an actual birth at the birth center, and our instructor (who was great) introduced it saying "this is a video of trish.  i feel like i should introduce her because the video basically just starts with her completely naked pushing out a baby."  she hits play.  trish is indeed completely naked pushing out a baby.  i hear billy whisper behind me "hi trish..."

then we practiced some relaxed breathing.  it was really comfy sitting with billy behind me and his hands on my belly.  he took the relaxed breathing really seriously. like so seriously i thought he was going to fall asleep and start drooling on me.  i was laughing so hard i could hardly breathe at all. 

i'm hoping that in our next three classes i'll be able to stop being mortified and really focus on learning the relaxation techniques.  luckily i have a lot of prenatal yoga moves under my belt to refer to.  my favorite part of the class was definitely how awesome billy was though... i know he's going to be the best labor coach ever.  he really stepped it up.  oh, and there was this quote on the chalkboard through the whole class that i thought was really empowering:

"we have a secret in our culture, and it's not that birth is painful. it's that women are strong."

-laura stavoe harm