happy in the springtime.

finn, along with the rest of us, went through a bit of cabin fever at the end of the winter.

for a month or two, he really didn't like it when people came over. he always wanted to get away, get outside, get some air, have some space.

for a while we thought he was developing some anxiety, but it it turns out he does a lot better with just a little extra breathing room.  open windows, open doors, a driveway to run in and a backyard to explore. 

the truth is, since the weather's turned he hasn't seemed anxious at all. 
i think we can all relate.

we have a lot of different teachers and therapists that come over every week to help finn.  i hear lots of stories and recommendations about what has helped other kids with autism who have anxiety.  a lot of these kids have trouble being flexible.  they like set schedules, are anxious in new places, etc. etc.  there are lots of ways to help them prepare for the day... like picture schedules, home videos of taking trips to the doctor or the store, etc.  finn likes pictures, and he likes to talk about what we're going to do for the day, but he really doesn't seem to need to.  he is pretty easy going when it comes down to it.
he's just different.

today, for example, we had to go to a new doctor to get blood drawn.
the waiting room was packed.  tons of kids, tons of parents, delivery guys, busy staff in and out of numerous doors, and lots and lots of different (and actually cool) toys to play with.  big winding gear toys and video games among many other things.  try as i might, i couldn't get him to pay an ounce of attention to the toys.  not the spinny ones, not the colorful ones, not any of them. 

but he was extremely content.  i mean, he was actually thrilled to be in the waiting room.  gleeful, even.  it was a big waiting room, for one.  there was lots of room to run around in.  and that's exactly what he did.  he ran.  from the front door, to the receptionists desk across the room, and back again.  but every time he got to the receptionists desk, he would stop... consider the border of different colored shapes that ran across it, take special notice of the blue square, then lick it, and then run back across the room. 

he was completely thrilled with this experience.  he smiled and looked up at everyone that walked in the door.  he noticed the other children.  he wasn't nervous or upset.  he was just... you know, running back and forth and licking shapes. 

of course this got a number of quizzical stares.  i tried my best to distract him and engage him in other activities, but i couldn't.  he wasn't in anyone's way, and he was having a really good time, so eventually i just gave up and let him be... well, let him be finn.

after the horrific blood draw i almost ripped the shapes border off of the front desk and screamed "WE'RE TAKING THIS WITH US YOU BABY PUNCTURERS!"  but instead we both just cried and watched peter pan- you can fly on you tube... each clutching opposite ends of finn's woobie... until we composed ourselves enough to head back to the car.

aside from the horrible blood draw experience, the actual waiting room time was quite comical for me.  i've learned to just kind of sit back and laugh at these situations that, at one point in my life, would have embarrassed me to no end.  i always thought i would have children that wore ironed dresses that coordinated with my curtains and sat quietly and colored all day or, you know, worked on their needlepoint.  but i have one that only talks like a baby owl and licks wallpaper.  it's certainly not boring.  it's actually really funny.

and the reason it's funny, is because he's happy.  if he were anxious or crying or tearing at blue shapes and scared of the waiting room, it wouldn't be funny.  it would be scary.  and finn could easily be that kid.  for a while we thought he was going to be that kid.  and who knows, one day he might be.  but right now he's not.  so it's not scary, it's just funny, and happy, and weird.  and we just do the best we can with it.

and then we go home and play outside and throw footballs, and lick them, and pass out in a hammock.

it could be a whole lot worse.

but it's springtime.  and we're happy.