more than i can handle.

this morning was finn's pre-op appointment at dupont hospital to give him the go ahead for his ear tube surgery next week.  it's a lot of poking and prodding and doctors office-y type stuff, and frankly, after the big tiring day of poking and prodding we had yesterday, both of us were pretty over it.

finn was not happy to be there, and he was even less happy about the hour drive in our new-to-us car that doesn't currently have a dvd player (first world problem, kid.)  it took all of my mommy tricks to get him through the appointment, and most of those involve singing and making goofy gestures in public.  i no longer have any shame.

even though it was quite the mental and physical workout, going to dupont today was the perfect thing for me to do after finn's big evaluation day yesterday.  whenever i go into a children's hospital, i am greeted with the overwhelming reminder that we are so blessed, and so lucky, and that finn's challenges are so miniscule in comparison to what some of these other kids face every single day.  just in case i was thinking about having a pity party this afternoon, dupont went ahead and kicked me in the pants and told me to keep my chin up.  will do.

the best part about our visit today, however, was not this great reminder of how blessed we are.
it was not the amazing staff of nurses who could somehow hear finn's heartbeat over my iphone blaring "the circle of life" (he hugged both of them so they were pretty much jelly in his hand).

it was the very short time we spent in the waiting room.

there were a couple of "normal" looking kids waiting, playing games on their ipad, a couple of really active toddlers, a couple of kids who had some obvious delays, and then one of the handsomest teenage boys i've ever seen.  he was in one of those really intense looking wheelchairs with the head support and crazy mechanics, and he was non verbal.  but you could tell by his eyes that he had this wonderful mind that was trapped in this frustratingly uncooperative body.  my heart just breaks for kids like that, and there's so many of them at dupont.

i kind of took note of all of the kids in the room and then started to pry finn off of my neck to get him to play with some of the toys or interact with some of the toddlers.
as soon as i got him off, the handsome boy in the wheelchair let out this incredibly loud and awkward noise that, god bless him, sounded like he was trying so hard to just say "hi" but it came out more like "HAAARRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHUHHHH!"
every kid and parent in the waiting room jumped, and stared at him in complete horror, and then quickly turned their eyes, ashamed, back to what they were doing.

and then i looked at finn.

he was "drumming" on the seat of one of the waiting room chairs, looking at his hands, ignoring everyone else around him, but when he heard the boy make his attempt at a hello sound, i watched this beautiful smile spread across his sweet little face.
he was the only one in the room who's immediate and unfiltered reaction was one of joy and natural acceptance.  he looked up from his hands, looked right at the boy in the wheelchair, gave him a big old grin, and waved to him.

and i thought the boy in the wheelchair's face was just going to split open because it brought a whole new meaning to the term "smiling from ear to ear."

it took everything i had left in me not to sob in the middle of the waiting room.

never, ever, have i ever been so proud.

a lot of people have reminded me lately that god doesn't give you more than you can handle.
and i love everyone who says that to me, because it's said out of nothing but love and encouragement.

but i kind of hate that saying in and of itself.
because i think a lot of times you do get a lot more than you can handle.
and i don't really think it's god that's dishing out this hard stuff and making you handle it.

but i do think that sometimes god gives you things like the waiting room this morning,
when you really need it. 

so you can see that hidden in these challenges are the most perfect gifts.

* * *
after i wrote this and re-read it, it reminded me of a blog my cousin-in-law posted earlier this year.  
i went back and found it and re-read it, and it's so so good.  enjoy.
http://www.littlemeems.com/2012/03/perspective.html