sleep training: volume three.

so, the middle of the night.

when we first embarked on this sleep training thing finn was waking up and nursing 10 times a night and it was reeeeeediculous.  so i really was determined in the beginning to break this cycle and i stuck to my guns, because frankly if i didn't i thought i was going to die.  literally.  i was feeding him so often at night that i would wake up in the morning and my mouth would feel like the sahara desert and i would get dizzy and see stars before i could make it to the kitchen to chug tons of water and eat a bazillion carbs.

we used the kim west method during the middle of the night.  we tried to use the no cry method, but finn refused to be calmed in any way except for nursing.  so we decided we weren't going to pick him up (because it didn't even help), we were going to use "the chair" method.

we did our new "bedtime routine" bath, bottle, books, bed.  we rocked finn and told him we loved him and put him in his crib wide awake...
this was the first big change for us.  previously we would have rocked him until he fell asleep, or just put him in bed with us to fall asleep.  but "rocking" him never involved sitting in a rocking chair.  it always involved holding him in our arms and swinging his now 23 pound self back and forth while doing bouncy knee bends and making loud shushing noises.  (when you have to do this for 40 minutes you probably realize now why billy and i are so thin).
so putting him in his bed awake with no crazy rocking shushing was a big change for everyone.  the first night i sat in a chair next to his crib with my eyes closed so he knew i was there.  he basically looked through the slats at me like i was a crazy person and blabbered to himself until he realized something weird was going down. 
as i mentioned in my previous blog, the first two nights we did this at my parents house, and he hollered at me for 30 minutes before he fell asleep.  it was through this holler that i finally started figuring out what finn's cries meant, and i realized that he was fine. but the third night of sleep training we were at home and when we put him in his crib he went right to bed without a peep, which was a huge relief.

the first few overnights were tough for me, but not terrible. he had a few habit wakings where he would just wake up like he usually did every hour or so but we would say shh night night and help him with his pacifier and he would go back to sleep (instead of immediately picking him up and nursing him like i normally would have). the reason these were tough is because previously we had finn in our bed with us.  when he woke up i would sleepily feed him without really waking up completely.  now that he was in his crib, with every wakening one of us had to get out of bed, walk into his room, and help him get his binky and get himself back to sleep.  we were tired for those first couple of nights.

there was that one night where he was up for one hour, from around 11-12.  i sat in my chair, he grumbled around and yelled at me in his crib.  i shushed him and sang to him, patted him and helped him with his binky intermittently, but i didn't pick him up and nurse him.  he fell asleep after an hour but woke up twenty minutes later, and that's when i nursed him.  this helped teach him that fussing for an hour doesn't result in nursing.  he got himself to sleep after an hour without nursing, which was the goal, so i fed him as soon as he woke up the next time.  after that i didn't have to nurse him again for the rest of the night.  when he woke up he was ok with just a binky.  the next night i swore i couldn't do it again, and he slept for 7 hours, i fed him once, and he slept for 6 more.  yay.

after that finn pretty much kept up the same routine. i told myself that i would still nurse him once a night about midway until he reached a year old.  we are doing pretty good with this routine.  sometimes i feed him twice.
finn is starting to wean on his own and is less interested in nursing during the day, so i feel like i am hanging on to this once or twice a night feeding because of my own emotional connection.  i know when i'm ready to quit finn will be too.  we may have to do our little chair method a few nights to help him break the habit, but i know we can do it when we're ready.  that being said, we haven't mastered the entire night's of uninterrupted sleep yet.  but he is still in his crib from 7-7, and i am so happy with where we are... because of the once or twice a night feeding too.  it's the right place for me right now.

embarking on this sleep training has been really helpful for us... especially for finn.  it was encouraging to see how quickly he responded and was ready for these independent sleep changes.  it was really billy and i who struggled with the adjustments.  in hindsight though, i don't think i would have changed anything about what we did with finn's schedule and sleeping arrangements up until this point.  it was a learning process.  i really treasured our co-sleeping time and i think the frequent night nursings were what made my milk supply so sufficient for finn and helped me continue to breastfeed for so long. we made the changes when we were all ready, and i'm happy with the course we took.

before finn was born, billy and i read "babywise" and were pretty adamant on having finn on a schedule from the start.  things didn't work out that way from the get go, and it was because we were new parents and we didn't really know what we were doing.  we had to figure it out on our own.  the biggest thing was, it took me a really long time to figure out what finn's cries meant.  this was really key for me.  in the beginning with a new baby, you have no idea what the cries mean.  it's scary to let your baby cry for a bit in his bed when they're little and you don't know if they really need something.

i can honestly say it took ten months for me to reeeally figure out finn's cries.  i had to feel confident in that before i could do any kind of sleep training.  when we started, it was obvious to billy and i when finn was actually upset and when he was just trying to go to sleep. the kim west method really helped with that, because you're sitting right next to your baby and touching him and singing to him.  there was a moment when i was doing that and he was looking at me and literally yelling when i was like "oh my god.  he is totally fine!  this little stinker!"  that's when it all clicked for me and i realized he wasn't lonely, he wasn't hungry, he didn't think i didn't love him, he just needed to break a bad habit that i created. 

now we can tell the restless sleep cry from the i'm wet cry from the i'm hungry cry from the i'm just gonna see what i can get away with cry from the i really want a snuggle cry.  but it took a long time for me to figure that out!  i feel like longer than normal.  there were a lot of times when finn would fuss when he was younger and someone would look at me and be like "oh what does he need?" and i would be like "ohh, i was hoping you could tell me... what do you think he needs?"  those mama instincts were slow moving for me.  but they showed up eventually.

our lives are certainly changed now that finn takes his two consistent naps a day and goes to bed on his own with no exhausting rocking and stays in bed!  finn is so much happier and well rested.  he is almost never cranky or fussy anymore.  and although billy and i didn't quite now what to do with ourselves at first and mostly stood outside of his room and whined about how our baby didn't need us anymore, we finally rediscovered that it's nice to be able to watch a movie together or read books in our pj's without wrestling a baby. 

surprisingly, i have also really enjoyed having a schedule during the days with finn.  i like knowing what to expect out of our days, and finn is like clockwork now.  it's refreshingly easy.

i highly recommend reading "the no cry sleep solution", and also kim west's book "good night sleep tight".  her website is www.sleeplady.com .  she was the most helpful for our family.  big time! 
i also recommend taking everything you read with a grain of salt and doing what's best for you and your family without feeling guilty or like a slave to a book.  you are the best decision maker for your baby, not a book.

here's to a happy baby and a good night's sleep! xo