cosleeping.

parenthood is a funny thing.

i think billy and i went into this whole process with a firm grip on just what kind of parents we were going to be.

we thought we were going to be parents of steel.

in short, we are parents of pudding.

not a lot of our parenting philosophies have yet been put to the test, because finn is not old enough yet.
(billy might still think that one day we will have children who speak when spoken to, do chores without complaining, and go to bed every night at seven.  but if the first five months are any inclination of how the future will be, all i have to say is hahahahahaha.)

some of the parenting philosophies that we did have already have been put to the test. 
 these included the idea that my baby would be on a strict schedule and i would never use the term "babywearing".  hmph.  i thought i would have no problem with the whole "cry it out" thing, and i would easily "train" my baby into sleeping through the night.

and then i had a real baby.  his name is finn.  he made me different than the mom i thought i would be, because i guess i didn't realize that a real life baby, different than my imagined baby, makes you into pudding.  our real life baby made us not care about any idea we used to have on what kind of parents we would be.

billy and i ... before we had finn ... were firm believers in "no co-sleeping".  we both thought a baby needs his own space, we need our own space.  babies sleep in cribs, parents sleep in beds.  everyone is happier this way, it is better for everyone. 
on the contrary, at our parenting classes, the very hippie midwives really encouraged co-sleeping.  they actually told us not to even buy a crib until we knew we had a baby who wanted to use one.  they raved about the benefits of co-sleeping, how it's the norm in almost every other culture but ours, how it's good for mom and baby, bla bla bla, and i literally said to billy "i don't care what she says, i'm not doing that."

as with many other things so far in this journey of parenthood, i have been proven wrong.
finn sleeps in our bed.
the majority of nights, he starts out in his crib.  but he always ends up with us.  and some nights, like tonight, he and billy fell asleep up here in bed next to each other, and here they both still lie.

but the most surprising thing about co-sleeping... even more surprising than the fact that we're actually doing it when we never said we would... is that...
we love it.

a lot of times people will ask me about finn and how he's sleeping and if he's still in bed with us, and i went through a time where i would kind of talk about it in this regretful way because everyone acts like it's so unfortunate.  but i really am starting to embrace it now.  instead of thinking of finn being in our bed as a problem that needs solving, i am really treasuring this time of him being so small and sweet and wanting to be near us.  and we want to be near him!  this is such a special time and it is going by so fast.   both billy and my favorite time of day is the morning when we all wake up and snuggle and finn has a huge smile on his face, happy and excited to greet the day.  i love that that's the first thing i see in the morning!

i think parenthood is so different for everyone, and every baby is so different.  you really have to find your own niche and do what works for you and your family.  i respect all of those different methods now.  let it be breastfeeding, formula feeding, cosleeping, crib sleeping, homeschooling, public schooling, you name it, i no longer have preconceived ideas, if it works for you and you're living it, i respect it. 

i never thought that co-sleeping would be our niche, but it is.  not only does it work for us right now, but we really are enjoying it.  i am learning that as your child grows, you also have to grow and change as a parent.  i'm sure that co-sleeping will not last forever, but i am happy that we are able to do it now. 

throwing out the rule book and all of my ideas on how parenting should be has really allowed me to open up and enjoy what parenting is, and getting to know our baby and naturally becoming the best parents we can be for him.  so far this has been such an amazing journey and i have been so surprised at myself along the way.  it's good to surprise yourself, i think!

i'm off to sleep now, but i'll leave you with this picture of our last little co-sleeper:

what a mongrel.
luckily this monster has been transitioned out of our bed for a year and a half now!
way to be a big boy tuck!  i don't miss having your smelly butt up here at all! :)