What it's all about

Sunday, June 26, 2011

maverick.

billy got a new girlfriend this weekend.


owning an old car is kind of a murphy right of passage.

his dad has them stacked two deep in the barn.

i know tripp has collected his fair share.

and now billy has his first classic.


i can relate to the classic car bug since my own dad has been bit by it, 
and i grew up dancing to oldies at the tastee freeze car shows.

there's nothing like a big hunk of rusty muscle, is there?


one of billy's coworkers gave it to him.
it's a 1971 ford maverick.
it's the "perfect project car" (read: my husband will be of no use to me on the weekends)

but he's just so excited about it.
and he was the most excited about showing it to finn for the first time.


so sweet.
i look forward to many years of greasy fingerprints.

Monday, June 20, 2011

a little piece of country.

when i was a little girl, we used to travel to "the country" to visit my great granny on "the farm".

"the country" was western virginia, in a town i still only know to be called "dogtown".  this always confused me as a child because the entire town was completely overrun with stray barn cats, like hoards of them, but i never saw a dog.  it should have been called cattown.

"the farm" was my great granny's farmhouse.  i think she was born there.  we like to say it's where it all began.

great granny went completely senile when i was still little, but i have very fond memories of her nonetheless.  she was a surprisingly talented artist and she taught me how to draw stairs, and houses, and other little architectural drawing tricks.  she also made really good scratch biscuits.  i still remember her flouring up the counter and rolling them out.  i used to string beans with her and granny on the back porch.  it was always hot there, and it always smelled fantastic.  that hot, country, cowpie, supper in the oven kinda smell.  it's the stuff my heart is made of.

my favorite memory of great granny is watching her comb her hair.  the last few times we went to visit her, i think granny had to comb it for her because she couldn't anymore.  but she always sat in the living room of the farm house in a straightback chair and took her hair down.  she kept it in a tight bun all day long, and i remember always being shocked whenever she let it down.  it was so long.  down past her back.  long, gray, silky hair.  she only let it down at night to comb it and braid it right before bed.  she would stare out the window while she combed it.  i remember peaking through the door and watching her from behind so she wouldn't see me.  it was so ritualistic that it almost seemed sacred.  i always watched very quietly and wondered what she was thinking about while she did it.  sometimes i think she was sad.  but it was always this kind of peaceful, resigned, dutiful sadness.  a sleepy sadness.  i guess it's like that when your mind starts to go.

my second favorite memory of great granny is sitting on the porch swing with her.  she would always wring her hands.  and she always wore a farm dress and apron that had been worn and washed so many times that it was thin and soft and smelled like sunshine from hanging out on the line long afternoons.  sometimes now i catch myself slouching and notice that my shoulders hang and my tummy sticks out the same way hers did.  i kind of like it.

i have always said that when i'm old i will let my hair grow long like great granny's was.

and i have always, always wanted a front porch swing.

billy put it up for me yesterday.


i sat on it with my daddy for a little bit last night.  and i swung finn on it this morning.

it might just be a swing i found on craigs list, but it's more than that to me.

it's memories, and traditions, and a dream come true.

my very own front porch swing.


see yew later!

these are the yews:


i hated them. tuck did, too. clearly.
i think they weren't properly pruned or cared for for a very long time, so that's why they were all naked at the bottom and only green on top.  
there was no saving them.

billys to the rescue!

a few weeks ago dad billy and husband billy got rid of those suckers for me!


bye yews!

but, it left the front looking a little lacking:


so a couple weeks ago, billy went at it again!
i told him i thought it would be nice if we mulched that area and lined it with stone.

after a little investigating, billy discovered that there already were stones there... they were just buried!  so he dug them up. 
yeah, he's pretty awesome.


don't worry, tuck made sure he did it right.


eventually we want to plant something along here that will stay green all year long.  
we've thought about holly, or english boxwoods.  
but we haven't decided yet, and new shrubs are going to be a little pricey, so we decided to put some pretty annuals down in the meantime to keep things looking bright and fresh.


we also decided on using black mulch, which we really love!
and the bright yellow flowers we picked were only $2 each!


isn't he the best gardener ever?


don't worry, i didn't just snap pictures while billy was busy working.  i did some planting myself!



i painted some of my old pots with chalkboard paint and i love the way they turned out!  
so when i was at the farmers market i picked up some herbs and tomato plants.  
eventually we'll have a real garden at the house, but in the meantime i thought this little potted garden turned out sweet! :)

having the yews gone has really opened up the light to our first floor windows now too, and our dining room and great room are much brighter and sunnier!  we're really enjoying it!

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

the milkhouse.

we have this amazing antique store down the street from our house called "the milkhouse".
it's one of those places where they have a zillion different vendor booths so there is something for everyone!  everything there is priced really fairly and they will always haggle with you.  i love a good haggle!  we love to stop in and look around on the weekends whenever we get a chance.

this past weekend we found some amazing things there, including finn's fun vintage toys that he loves so much, and beautiful 40's era framed farm art for 50% off!  billy also got inspired by a retro drafting desk we saw there and it reminded him there was something similar in his parents barn... bingo!  free office furniture!  love when that happens.

i never have trouble finding things at milkhouse.
actually, i pretty much never have trouble finding things anywhere i shop. hehe.

i have my eye on this amazing 60's quilt there that would be perfect for outside picnics and as a playmat for finn.  we didn't get it this last time, but i did make out with these two amazing little finds:

a beautiful vintage charm bracelet:


i LOVE this.  
the charms include a little engagement ring, an i love you charm, a baby bassinet, a mini diary, a little bell and others!  it fits me so perfectly... and even the charms are appropriate! 
i love feeling like i'm wearing something with a history to it that once must have been very dear to someone.
the little bell also makes this amazing little jingle when i walk and billy says it sounds like i'm calling fairies.  :)
oh and it was $15. love that more!


and these make-your-heart-flutter red leather cowboy boots!

here is an unedited pic so you can see how amazing the red is in real life:
googly woogly giggity goo.  
they make my knees weak.

i couldn't find a brand on them, but they're real leather and made in brazil.
and they were $17! i'll take it!  i think they look late 70's.

the milkhouse is so fun and inspiring that i think i'll try and post some of our finds there more often!  they have the most unique things.  

speaking of wonderful finds, wednesdays are farmers market days around here, and finn and i are super excited to pick up this week's produce today!  last week we got a mint plant and fresh strawberries that i used in these delish mojitos:


nothin like a little tuesday night cocktail!

wow, antique stores and farmers markets, i guess i'm really keepin' things country around here.  oh wait, the field mice in my kitchen do that for me already.  :)

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

baby bonding: less comical thoughts on motherhood.

i've been wanting to write a post for awhile on a more "real" aspect of being a new mom.
not just the funny surprising little things, but the real struggles and baby blues i've faced so far on this journey.

i wanted to talk about it because i feel like a lot of people don't.  and since no one really talks about it, it kind of caught me off guard when i experienced some of the feelings that i did.  i have a feeling a lot of people probably go through the same thing, but it's hard to talk about it so most people probably don't.

when i had finn, i didn't bond with him right away the way that i thought i would.
i thought when your baby was born, you would immediately be madly in love with him in this crazy storybook kind of way.  i expected to think finn was the most beautiful baby i had ever seen, to experience that love everyone talks about that makes you feel like you're going to explode, and to think motherhood was the best.thing.ever.

those things didn't happen to me.  when finn was born i felt tired.  so completely physically, mentally, and emotionally tired that that's about all that i really felt.  the thing that helped me the most during the first few hours after finn was born was seeing his special bond with billy.  they were immediately enraptured with each other, and that made me happy.

in the first few weeks we were home with finn, i thought he was really cute, but i didn't always think he was the most wonderful baby in the whole wide world.  sometimes, especially when he was gassy, he would make faces that were so truly unattractive that billy and i would look at each other and be like "dear god baby, please never make that scary horror movie face again."  it was not beautiful.  it was gremliny.

sometimes i thought finn looked like a creepy little old man.
lets be honest here people, lots of babies look like creepy little old men. 

a lot of times i felt like i wasn't doing it "right".
i felt like things weren't always going the way they were "supposed" to.
i had a lot of expectations about what it was going to be like when finn was born, and that's where i first went wrong.  i shouldn't have had any expectations.
the best thing to do, i now know, is to cut yourself a break and play it by ear.

truly bonding with finn was not something that happened immediately for me.  bonding with him has happened through a process of getting to know one another over time. i think this probably sounds bad to some people, but let me say that i always loved finn 200 million percent from the very beginning, and i always had this incredibly strong maternal instinct to take care of him.  but that truly special "my baby is the best baby ever" feeling didn't hit me right off the bat.  it's been a gradual process.

i wanted to talk about this because, frankly, i felt like an asshole in the beginning.  i thought there was something wrong with me for not thinking finn was the gerber baby, and i felt really guilty a lot.  i was pretty insecure and all i wanted was someone to tell me that i was doing it the right way.  in those weeks of internal doubt and baby blues, i read something that said, no matter what you're thinking or what doubts you're having, you are truly the best person to be taking care of your baby.  and that helped me a lot.  no matter what i was feeling, i was still finn's mommy and he was given to me because i'm the best person for the job.  i told myself that a lot throughout the day.  "you are the best person for this job."  and it helped.

now i know that having a baby isn't always a magical fairytale and you don't always feel exactly like you think you're going to.  and that's okay.

now that the crazy weeks of baby blues and self doubt and adjusting to motherhood for the very first time have passed, i can say that being a mom to finn actually really is the best thing ever.  (it happened.  it just didn't happen right away for me.)  i wake up in the mornings and see him and find myself thinking "wow! i get to see him again today! i get to spend another day with him!"  every day is such a blessing.  he changes so much every day and learns new things every day.  it's absolutely amazing to watch him grow.  just this week he has started laughing, started grabbing his toys and pulling them to him, kicks and splashes in the tub, sings all the time (even recorded his first single with daddy... it's the cutest thing i've ever heard in my life), and has fallen absolutely in love with his blankie.  he really is becoming such a fun little person.  part of me already misses the days when he was just a little lump.  but when he wakes up and smiles at me with his one little dimple, it makes my heart melt.

it's hard to believe that soon he'll be sitting up by himself, eating real food, talking, crawling, walking... all of these huge milestones are so hard to wrap my head around but they're coming up so quickly!  it's so utterly amazing to me to think that i grew him inside of me, and now he's this real functioning little person.  i'm so excited for everything that is to come... from making my own baby food, to having a coloring pages stuck to our refrigerator... i'm looking forward to it all!  and i truly treasure every day that we have with our precious little boy.

i've learned that there is no "right" way to do it.  you just eventually find your own way together.  it's not always a fairytale. (but i do have a handsome prince...  and we have the best little boy we could dream of)

love our home.

it's nice to finally be able to say that my extreme nesting has finally worn off, three months after our baby was born.  i'm really enjoying letting things look a little "lived in" around here.

it feels so homey to have little baby things here and there.  there's so many signs of love everywhere i look.

here's some pictures of new little things that make me smile:

a little more "lived in" living room.


finn sleeping on the floor.


vintage magazines.

 
a sofa table relocated from the music room. (thanks mom and billy!)


a new bird. (don't judge me).


a ribbon around the front bedroom's curtain.


a struggling to survive orchid, and more importantly, clean gutters. (thanks dad).


blankets and baby books.


wooden boxes from the shop to house hair pins.


refinished original doorknobs in my dressing room. (thanks again dad :))


and finally, although i am not ready to post the full reveal of my beautiful new landscaping out front until the installation of our craigs list found porch swing (yay!), here is a sneak peek of my amazing husband making things beautiful out there:

love it.


love my husband, love our baby, love our home, love our "lived in" life!

Sunday, June 5, 2011

new friends: by finn.

today mom and dad decided to do some yardwork, so they threw me down in the grass on a blanket.


lucky for them i'm awesome, and happen to love being thrown down in the grass on a blanket.

i didn't think life could get any better, until mom gave me these amazing new toys!


gee thanks mom! these guys are awesome!
mom said they're actually not new toys, they're very old toys.
but that doesn't matter to me.  i love them!


"hey, what are you guys doing over there?"


"check out my milk gut!"


"what, you don't like it?"


"i think i'll just roll over and go to sleep then."

because all babies just play by themselves in the middle of the yard and then fall asleep there for the afternoon, right? or am i just the most awesome baby ever? i thought so.

but seriously, most of the credit is due to little snoopy and the turtle.  they entertain me for hours!
thanks new friends.


Thursday, June 2, 2011

random sleep deprived thoughts.

i'm at work today.
i don't know how i'm standing upright.
but i somehow managed to get here, albeit without my key, and then somehow managed to break in the back door with my credit card.
oh the desperation.

i never managed to take pictures of the house yesterday, but kind of on purpose because i want to plant some flowers where the yews once were because it's looking a little... sad.
the yews made the house look unkempt and overgrown but now without them the house just looks kind of abandoned or barren or something.  it needs mulch and flowers.  this weekend.

so instead, here are some random facts about being a new mom to a little boy:

or, i should call it, things that surprise me:

1) perfectly symmetrical boobs don't stay that way when you're breastfeeding.  if my boobs were mcdonalds meals, one would be a kids four piece nugget and one would be a big mac value meal.  maybe even with a shake.  this is extremely annoying to someone who wants everything to be "even". 

2) i constantly check finn's diaper to see if he pooped and think "dear god! what is that! what is in there!?"
oh.
balls.
those are balls in there.
little boys have those.
*sigh of relief that my baby didn't poop out a pink bag of nickels*

3) soft spots have a pulse. it's creepy looking.

4) if there is lint anywhere in our house, it will inevitably end up between our baby's toes.  i don't know how this happens. but i no longer have to sticky roll my pants before i leave the house, i just rub finn's feet over them.

5) i used to think i would be a strict parent.  very practical.  no nonsense.  i now realize that when you have a baby, you will do anything in the world to keep him from crying.  anything.  like running out of the shower soaking wet with only one leg shaved and covered in shampoo.  only to realize that your baby wasn't crying, you're just losing your mind.

6) sometimes i catch myself thinking "oh it's just poop."
and then i'm like just poop? what's worse to have on you than poop? not much.

7) i thought leaving finn at the babysitter's would get easier and easier but it just gets harder and harder.  he's cute even when i'm sleep deprived.  when he's up in the middle of the night and he passes out mid gulp with a smile on his face, i can't be mad at him.  and most of the time i can be very mad at anyone depriving me of sleep.

8) everyone said i would miss being pregnant.  at 42 weeks, i thought everyone was crazy.
i miss being pregnant.

9) nothing is embarrassing anymore.  things stopped being embarrassing after a 40 year old indian man who was introduced to me as some kind of "student" held one of my legs while i was pushing.  he had obviously never seen a vagina before.  since then, pretty much nothing makes me blush.  including yesterday, when a really hot tree removal dude caught me singing "this is the day the lord has made" into a stroller.

10) people tell you breastfeeding is less expensive than formula feeding.  i don't think this is true.  making boob food gives you the appetite of cookie monster.  i eat a lot of groceries.

that's it.  i made it to ten surprising things.  even though basically everything about being a new mom is surprising.  but there's ten. ta da! the end.

wish me luck on picture taking and flower planting this weekend! xo

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

changes around the houzzzzzzz......

i wanted to try and write a blog about some of the changes that happened around the house this weekend.

some pretty refinished original glass doorknobs in my dressing room,

rearranging and changing some things in the great rooms,

more red storm doors,

taking out the yews outside (!!!)

but i'm so sleep deprived that i can't really think straight.  finn was a good sleeper i think, at one point, i can't remember because i'm too tired.  but ever since we transitioned him to his crib, he's been getting up every couple of hours at night.  it's not enjoyable.

i started writing down how often he was waking up because in the mornings i was so tired i couldn't remember if i dreamt being up or if i was really up.  last night was the first time i did this, and this morning i discovered he woke up at 11, 1, 3:30, 6, and 7:30.

rad.

he did not want to go back to sleep this morning, so i consumed just enough coffee to keep my eyes open.  then, when he went back to sleep for a morning nap, i discovered it was also just enough coffee to keep my eyes from closing.

damn it!

i did squeak an hour in and now i'm somewhat returning to normalcy.
normalcy currently involves eye bags, wet hair, and a t-shirt that's been ravaged so badly at the neckline by finn that i look like i spent the night at a fraternity party.
this is sad.
please go back to sleeping, baby.

this morning my words were like:
"hold on baby, let mommy go make some toothpaste. i'm so sleepy."
and
"please tired baby. mommy is so sweet."

things are looking up since i can spell and type, a little bit.
hopefully i can get some pictures taken today to share the pretty changes around here.

in the meantime, here's a funny video of a tv show billy and i are very much looking forward to.




it's basically our life.