fathers day 2013

there are times throughout your life when you are faced with really big decisions. 

in my life, i have always really consciously felt the weight of my choices.  i've felt a shift in my path.  i've known that my next step would heavily impact the course of my life. 

a couple of months after billy and i started dating, i felt it.  i knew he was going to change my life forever.  and i felt it when i decided to marry him.  and i felt it when he looked into my eyes after he held our finn for the very first time.

marriage is a choice you make together every day, and every day i am reminded that i am making the right one.  my husband is truly the greatest man i've ever known.

i always knew it.  but seeing him as a dad proves it.  he was born for it.  he is an amazing father.

there are at least three mornings a week where he shrugs his shoulders, says "i'll just catch the late train", throws his briefcase off of his shoulder, and allows finn to drag him into the music room.  there he picks up his guitar and pops out a few tunes- to the sheer delight of our dancing and giggling toddler.  he knows there will be a pile of emails waiting for him when he makes it into the city, but he'd rather play catch up all morning than leave finn without a song.

when he comes home from work, they literally run to each other.  i look at finn's face, at the unbridled glee, and think i've never seen anyone so happy. until i look at billy's face and see the exact expression, mirrored.  they laugh and hug and hold eachothers necks like they've been separated for months.  and i get to see it every day.

he rarely stays late at work.  he misses lots of fancy dinners and events.  instead, he hurries home on the crowded rush hour train so that he can make it in time for family dinner and bedtime.  it's not unlikely for the light to still be on in his home office at 2 a.m.  but it's worth it for him, because he got to see finn before he went to sleep.

he went to the u.s. open practice rounds this week, and when he came home the thing he was most excited to tell me about was how one of the players had his young son with down syndrome out on the course with him.  seriously, it's the only thing he talked about.  how happy that little boy was to be there, and how great it was that the players got to bring their kids out during the practice rounds. he made it home in time for dinner.  and i thought about the other husbands that were still at the merion golf course, half drunk in the merchandise tents, and i felt like the luckiest girl in the world.  i made a good choice.

i think about our boys, and i know how truly fortunate they are to have billy for their dad.  because of him, they will grow up to be good men.  maybe because of  me they will be well fed and have clean sheets and know how to love really hard. but because of billy, they will be good. 

if you asked him, he would probably say that he is the lucky one.  but the boys and i know that we're the real winners here.  we landed ourselves one great guy. 

happy fathers day, honey.  we love you.

A-B-YAY!

ABA therapy stands for Applied Behavioral Analysis.  It's a type of therapy that comes highly recommended for children with Autism, and has been highly recommended specifically for Finn.  You can read more about ABA therapy here.

ABA therapy can be pretty strict and regimented, so Billy and I kind of dragged our feet at finding out more about it for Finn.  It can also be extremely costly.  But recently we found out about a great local place called ABA2DAY that does highly individualized ABA therapy, using a lot of floor time and play-based approaches.  I contacted them about a month ago.

After spending a couple weeks gathering all of the necessary paperwork and submitting it, I got an email from ABA2DAY saying that Finn was approved for an evaluation.  Yay!  But looming in the back of my head was the burden of cost.  None of the prices for therapies were listed on the website, but they did list the cost of summer camp... a whopping $7,900 for nine weeks.  I had no idea how we were going to begin even thinking about paying for hours and hours of therapy a week for the next three years.

Armed with the knowledge that I may have to drop Billy off in downtown Coatesville in a pair of fishnets and red lipstick (he's got great legs), I moved full steam ahead with trying to find funding options.  I finally got all of our Medical Assistance paperwork gathered and submitted, and set up team meetings with Finn's Early Intervention teachers and case coordinator to try and see if I could fund some of the therapy through the county.

I had gotten the ball rolling, but had no idea what to expect when we went in for the evaluation last week at ABA2DAY.  I was extremely apprehensive.  I was first worried that Finn was going to hate it there, after our very unsuccessful three month trial at a pre-preschool for kids with autism, and I was even more worried that if he didn't hate it I wouldn't be able to pay for it.

When we arrived, I was first surprised that the "classroom" we were in had a ball pit, a climbing wall, a trampoline, a big hammock swing, and all the bouncy exercise balls of Finn's dreams.  He was immediately enthralled.  The teachers we met with were incredibly fantastic.  Like, so sweet you couldn't really hang out with them in real life because they were too sweet.  I think I may have gotten a cavity just watching them with Finn.  He ate it all up, and was on top of his game, pulling out all his best dance moves and giving out kisses.  My favorite part of the evaluation, though, was when he walked to the closed door and tried to get out.  At his previous little preschool attempt he cried at the closed door through the entire class, and everyone had ignored him because they didn't want to "reward negative behavior".  But one of the teacher's at ABA noticed right away that Finn wanted to open the door, and she jumped right up and helped him do it, exclaiming "Do you want to see what's out there, Finn?  Let me show you around!"  She took him for a quick tour up and down the hallway, after which he promptly returned to our little classroom with an exultant smile on his face.  He wasn't a caged animal.  They "got" that he just wanted to look around.  It made me feel like we had found the right place.

The teacher conducting the interview went on to recommend that they use a lot of play based therapy and floor time with Finn in addition to the ABA, because she thought he would respond better that way.  I couldn't have agreed more.  I felt like they really had a good feel for him and his needs, but they also saw so many of his strengths and abilities.  The great thing about this center, too, is that Finn will always have a one on one teacher with him.  Even when they are working in groups or having circle time or social skills with other toddlers, he will still have his very own teacher to support him.

When it came time to discuss the payment options I was shocked literally to tears to discover that our insurance covered 100% of the cost of therapy for Finn, for unlimited hours a week.  Apparently we have really good insurance.  I half expected the sky to open up and angels to start singing.  Then I expected the teacher to say "whoops, that was someone elses file... your insurance actually sucks."  but that didn't happen.  So, in the most awesome turn of events ever, Finn starts at ABA2DAY on Monday!  I couldn't be happier.  And Billy can tuck those fishnets away for the time being.

He will go to the center three days a week, and a teacher from the center will come to us two days a week.  Starting out he will just go for three hours at a time, and we'll gradually increase those hours as he does better and gets more comfortable.

This week we have been doing a lot of movie watching, hammock swinging, popcorn eating, and playground visiting, all because of the immense guilt I feel for throwing him into the lion's den of therapy next week.  Haha!  It's actually worked out quite well because I feel like he's getting pretty bored.

Hopefully he will be ready to learn on Monday!  If you are one of the amazing friends or family that has been praying for Finn, you can be praying that he responds well to his teachers and this new therapy, and that he doesn't experience terrible separation anxiety like he did the last time we tried preschool.  And in the event that he does, that his teachers will know how to best help him through it.  We are so thrilled and thankful at the way all of this fell into place for him, and we are hoping that he will thrive at ABA2DAY.

Thanks for checking in on us!  I will certainly post an update on how he is doing there in the coming weeks!  In the meantime, you can keep an eye on the news... there may or may not be a report next week of a weepy pregnant overprotective mother who had to be forcibly removed from an ABA therapy center...

xoxo