it's hard for me to describe this, so i took a little video of him. this particular video features finn doing one of his recent favorite activities- walking up and down the driveway.
finn likes to look at the cars in the driveway and he likes to play with tucker. sometimes finn will go up to my car and if i ask him to touch the license plate or touch the bumper or touch the light, he will do it. but more often, and as you will see in this video, i will ask finn to touch the license plate and he'll look at it (which you can see him immediately do by the back of his head moving up), but then he'll get distracted by something else. something that he just can't seem to get past. in this video, he's distracted with the little bumps in the plastic on my rear bumper.
another thing that's funny to notice in the video is when finn turns around to see tucker. tucker is really motivational for finn- he loves to follow him around, touch his tail, touch different parts of his face, imitate him panting, etc. in this video he hears tucker's collar jangling behind him and he turns around to see him, but as soon as he turns around he immediately sees his shadow on the driveway and becomes so distracted by it that he ignores tucker completely.
you'll also see him enjoying looking at the oil spots on the asphalt, and the way his binky rolls back and forth when he drops it.
sometimes finn's weirdness disturbs me. but most times, it really amazes me.
there is something really beautiful about the way he sees his world.
because finn sees things differently than i do, he really resists doing his early intervention activities with me and with his therapists. he is not cool with sitting down and doing a puzzle or stacking blocks or pointing to different body parts when it's under our terms. a lot of times i think it's because he's stubborn. but i'm also starting to think that a lot of it is stupid and boring to him at first. he doesn't want to sit down and stack blocks when there is something else really interesting going on (like that little string on the blinds that moves back and forth a little bit in the breeze... how do you guys not see that?) the good news is, that after i force finn to go through the motions in some activity that is completely uninteresting and frustrating to him, he secretly starts to enjoy it. about halfway through doing a puzzle his cries of protest turn into half laughs. then 20 minutes later when i'm not making him do it, he'll go over and start trying it out by himself. once we show him how to do it, he starts to like it a little bit. but it's not obvious to him. other things are.
while it's encouraging that finn is eventually receptive to learning different skills, it's also apparent to me now that teaching finn new skills isn't ever going to change who he is. hopefully early intervention can help him learn some basics that aren't so basic to him, and those skills will help make his way through life a little bit less challenging. if he learns to problem solve now, if he learns to ask for help now, if he learns to communicate and engage with others now, then hopefully down the line he won't feel as isolated or misunderstood. he'll have those early tools embedded in his brain that we're working so hard on placing there now.
he will probably always see things a little differently.
and i'm not okay with that.
i'm more than okay with that. i'm proud of that. i'm glad for that. i love that.
on sunday finn found a little stone that was out of place laying in a section of mulch. he noticed it and picked it up right away. he rolled it over in his hand and thought about it for a minute. it was interesting to him. then in a tiny instant i saw his little mind work at something... he pulled his gaze away from the stone and looked at me. and then- with some obvious effort- he handed me his stone. he saw something different that i didn't see, and he wanted me to see it, too. he shared it with me.
that's never happened before. it makes it all worthwhile.
11 comments:
It really seems like you're over analyzing his behaviour. Of course he sees things differently than you, he's a baby! Short attention spans, "weird" behaviour, noticing things are all things babies do. :/
Of course it is! We all see things differently, that's why we don't always agree. :) I realize that by opening up about Finn on this blog that I will be criticized or disagreed with. That's okay. If I'm over analyzing Finn's behavior, then unfortunately so is an entire team of professionals.
Amen Meg!
I have to agree with Anonymous. As a mother of 3 young children, I can honestly say my son acted JUST like this at Finn's age. He was all over the place and never focused on anything the way my daughters did. They loved talking, communicating eye-to-eye, interacting with people verbally. My son didn't point to things; he just looked like I saw Finn doing. And then meandered somewhere else, half the time. As a toddler, I used to joke he had the attention span of a gnat. He stared at lights and ceiling fans, didn't give two hoots about blocks, moved about constantly, and didn't say a word til he was 2. Well, lets just say at 3, things are very different! And I really just attribute it to him being a very different kid; specifically, a boy. And now, at 3, he's very much like his father; an active, tactile, mechanical learner who likes to keep moving and couldn't bear to sit at a desk! I'm not saying any of this to discourage you or be rude! Finn has strong eye contact which is huge! I have friends with kids with autism and aspergers, so I know that too. And they never had the eye contact Finn does- and they never 'acknowledged' things, even visually, the way Finn does. I'm saying all this to encourage you! And to realize that in this cookie cutter world we live in, even professionals can get it wrong sometimes. Not that they have in this case, but that they CAN. I would suggest a second and third opinion. Hugs to you. I am on your side! You're a great mom!
I love this post, Meg! It was fun to watch Finn's video- all of his giggles made me giggle. :) I also love his outfit. I think it's cool the way you're describing how Finn is so observant of the textures and contrasts around him; maybe he's going to be an artist someday!
I love this! So honest and sweet! Working with kids with autism, I've heard and read so many contradicting things. I can't begin to imagine what it's like for a parent trying to navigate through all the information, both wanted and unsolicited, and then feel confident about implementing something that makes sense.
Early intervention is huge and you're doing great! Finn is so blessed to have you!
I am glad to gear your son is doing well! I like Finn's eye contact in this video, too- it's something we have been working really hard on for the past two months!
I'm glad to hear your son is doing well! I like Finn's eye contact in this video, too. It is something we have been working really hard on for the past two months! :)
Haha, thanks Taylor'! I love those little giggles, too! :)
Thanks so much for your empathy and understanding, Courtney. You definitely nailed it- I'm sure it's a difficult sea to navigate in every unique situation. I'm so grateful for supportive and kind people like you!
I really appreciate you blogging so openly & honestly about Finn. It helps me and I know other moms to not feel so alone & scared. You said it best when you said that Finn is still Finn,no matter what. For some reason,that gives me a sense of peace as we wind down the road of EI. It's obvious that you're an amazing mom who loves your son dearly,just how he is!
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