bringing up bebe.

forgive me, i wrote this post over a month ago and never posted it.  instead of going through and changing all the tenses and times, i'm just gonna post it as is. enjoy :)

i just finished reading the recently en vogue parenting book, "bringing up bebe".  the book talks about the differences between parenting in the u.s. and in france.  she specifically compares the stark differences between parenting in brooklyn, and parenting in paris.  it was an interesting perspective, and i'm glad i read it.

i won't go through an entire book review (it's an easy read if you're interested), but there are a couple of key things that i took with me after reading, and decided to try and adopt in our home.  one being that i was going to give finn a wider variety of foods, and two that i was going to give finn the opportunity to be more autonomous, and give him more freedom to play and explore on his own, without my constant intervention.

first up- the foods. 

after reading about the way the french feed their children, and seeing the health statistics in the u.s. vs. france, i decided that they're clearly doing it right.  why do we feed our toddlers nothing but apple juice and goldfish crackers if we want them to grow up to be healthy diverse adults who eat a wide variety of whole foods, fruits and vegetables?  i don't know.  but i do know that i am extremely guilty of serving finn fistfuls of cheerios.

i decided to immediately squelch the idea that finn needed to eat "kid-friendly" foods, like applesauce and macaroni and cheese, and instead decided that i was going to give him all of the foods that we eat.  all of them.  two of the things i was most impressed with about french kid feeding is a rule that the child must simply try everything that they are offered (not eat everything on their plate), and that sweets are given daily, but in moderation.  the french apparently encourage repeatedly offering foods that the child refuses, claiming that eventually the child will most likely start enjoying it.  and by giving them sweets (these sweets include pieces of chocolate or chocolate croissants, mind you, not overprocessed crap like oreos or pop tarts), the child is capable of eating sugar in moderation without freaking out and binging on an entire trick or treat bag of halloween candy because they are most often denied it.

yesterday, for lunch, i made spaghetti with elbow noodles, tomato basil sauce, and turkey meatballs.  finn ate a large portion, quite energetically.  at breakfast, however, i tried to give him some cut up honeydew melon.  he did not like it.  i put a spoonful of chopped melon in his mouth twice, and he spit it out each time.  after his morning nap, i gave him a little snack and tried the melon again.  he spit it out again, but seemed to tongue it around a bit more.  at lunch time, i tried giving him the melon once more.  this time he ate the entire portion i had cut up for him.  (about two tablespoons).  i was impressed.  the french may be on to something!  he spit out his eggs yesterday morning as well, but i plan to try those again too and experiment with different styles of cooking them.  ever since i have started offering him the foods that we eat, i have been very impressed with what he actually enjoys.  in the past couple of days he has eaten everything from broccoli to balsamic glazed chicken.  he loves mushrooms, fish, and anything with tomato sauce.  even if he is only trying a small bite of something i offer him, i feel like it's a success.  he is learning what real food tastes like, not the bland baby food basics like rice cereal and ritz crackers. 

secondly, the autonomy.

the book spoke a lot about how important the french view autonomy.  they expect their children to be able to have self control and be self governing, without constant reminders or parental intervention. i feel like in the u.s., we try to be constantly interactive and involved with our kids because we want them to be happy and to have self-confidence.  but according to some research, this seems to be backfiring on us.  the french children, who are given more opportunities to learn to be confident and self disciplined, are just that.

i decided that in order to put this french parenting philosophy to the test, that i was merely going to give finn the opportunity to play more on his own, and then just see how he did.  so yesterday, when we went to visit mumpeg, i did.  it was a beautiful day outside, so we decided to have our visit on the front lawn.  instead of helping finn walk around the yard and playing with him through the entire visit, i decided i was going to set him up on a blanket on the grass with a couple of toys, and that i was going to sit down on the lawn chair next to mumpeg and have a chat.  to my complete shock, finn sat on the blanket and played with his toys for close to 45 minutes.  he crawled around, flicked the grass on the edges, but stayed on his blanket.  he took turns playing with different toys, and paused frequently to talk to a tree or look at the sky, or babble at tucker.  don't get me wrong, i absolutely love playing with finn, and watching him learn while we play together.  but yesterday afternoon watching him learn to completely entertain himself and be happy and comfortable in his own skin (without my constant touch, affirmations and encouragement) was really magical.  i was so impressed with him.  and with me!  he was as pleased as punch to soak up the afternoon sun and be in our company.  he actually seemed more relaxed and at ease than he does when i'm letting him crawl all over me and pull me around by the fingers.

in conclusion,

parenting is so interesting to me.  billy and i started out thinking that we were going to be a certain kind of parent.  namely, strict parents.  and then finn was born and we ended up being these incredibly wimpy parents.  with all of the baby wearing and co-sleeping we did with finn until he was almost ten months old, we were attachment parenting poster children.  but then things morphed again.  we did a little sleep coaching, and after seeing how great finn responded to some scheduling and routine that we established, we saw how great regular naps and full nights of sleep were for him (and for us!).  i don't know what kind of parents we are now, but i love learning as we go.  we will always treasure the days he snuggled up close to us at night (and let's face it, all day long), but we treasure these moments of watching him become more independent just as much.  i have found that as finn grows, it's billy and i who struggle the most with the milestones, not finn.  he seems to be ready for what's around every corner, as long as we're okay with it.  and even though the teeny tiny snuggly baby days are hard to beat, it really does just keep getting better! :)